My clean clothes are folded in a basket in my bedroom. They have been there for 2 weeks. My darks are actually still in the dryer. Yeah, I know--2 weeks is a long time.
I ask myself why I cannot for the life of me get that done, and then I start counting the hours in a day compared to the hours I spend doing other things that need to be done. There simply isn't enough time in the day to get it all done.
On the outside it looks like I'm living the dream: I'm married. I have a great job. I have a lot of great friends and an awesome family. I'm in grad school. I do stuff for church. I exercise. I have two cute little cats.
But really, I'm so stinking busy with all of this it takes the fun out of everything. I truly love all of these things about my life and I am grateful for all of it, but I have determined that it's too much. But at the same time, I feel like there's this pressure out there to do everything. Does anyone else feel that way? It's like the busy-ness is a status symbol.
The other day I found myself on a particularly busy day. After work I went to the gym to squeeze in a short run. When I got home I had approximately 80 minutes to make dinner for Wade and shower before going out to do some stuff for church. Dinner ended up taking longer than expected and resulted in full chicken breasts being thrown into a pot of veggies and broth slightly resembling chicken tortilla soup. I almost cried. I don't know if emotionally stable people cry about things like that, but I do. I just wanted to make a nice meal for my husband but the result was a messy kitchen with half-made soup and me tired with wet hair. I bitterly texted Wade, "Dinner is on the stove, it's not quite done, but you can figure it out." I wasn't bitter towards him, I'm really happy to make him dinner, I was bitter about my busy day. Then off I went. When I got home at 10:00, he was happily eating soup. He said he wasn't sure what I meant by my text and determined that I must have meant that he needed to add cheese and sour cream. Haha. Gotta love that guy. So easy to please. He helped me find the humor in the situation.
Anyway, my point is that life is to be enjoyed and not rushed through. So, I haven't made any major decisions yet about what I'm cutting out other than making simpler meals ie grilled cheese and sloppy joes (sorry RD friends, that's the best I can do for now). Until I can cut out other things, like grad school for example, I will just have to deal and make the best of my busy life and be grateful that I have stuff to do. Yay.
Eventually, my goal is to make time for other things, like people--friends, family, husband--and just sitting still or maybe even a little fun. And I really want to start a garden and train for another triathlon. Doesn't that sound nice?
6 comments:
Krissy, I think you're wonderful! Eventually I think you'll get the swing of things and even though the load is still the same, it'll feel lighter. I'm busier now than I have ever been before(even more than when I was going to BYU and had a baby) because that's how life is with 5 kids, but we've figured out our groove and all is well :). I love that scripture about how a group of people were going through a struggle and they prayed and it felt as though their load was made lighter when in actuality it was the same as before :). I think that's how it is for us now.
I'm sorry you feel so overwhelmed - everything you're doing sounds really busy and stressful!
If it's any consolation (which it probably won't be), I remember when I was first married I had all these expectations of myself and what I was "supposed" to do and I totally was totally overwhelmed and I felt guilty and like I wasn't doing enough all the time. Being newly married is wonderful, but it is stressful learning how to live with someone else, even if they are wonderful and patient and you love them so much. (And I'm not saying, "Oh, the first year of marriage is SO HARD," because that's not true and stupid. It's just different and it takes it a lot of unconscious energy to adjust.)
Do what feels right for you. I have a separate freezer just for frozen (store-bought) dinners and a ridiculous eating out budget. I feel no shame.
The only person you have to answer to is yourself, so do what makes you happy.
Good, better, best.
Good advice from Elisa and Laura. You are fortunate that you have the freedom to choose what makes you happy and are married to someone who supports you encourages your decisions. So many do not have that luxury.
I totally understand this, Krissy! Knowing you, though, you will work through it and be stronger and wiser for it. You got this girl!! Oh, and I just have 2 words of advice: paper plates. Changed my life :)
Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement!
Krissy, I haven't visited your blog in awhile...for the same reason! But I must say that I laughed at all your funny comments and also because I can TOTALLY relate. I seriously can't wait to be back in the same ward with you...we miss you!!!
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