What I do when I can't sleep

Sometimes I can't sleep. These past few weeks have been especially difficult due to a sickness that I called the man-flu (not to be confused with the swine-flu) which was characterized mainly by a deep, raspy voice, large amounts of phlegm (it was no wonder no one asked me out), and an annoying cough that conviently started right around bedtime. In addition to that, my budding social life often leaves me either excited or anxious, both of which are not conducive to sleeping. And then sometimes my imagination runs wild and I get excited thinking about tap dancing and winning races I'm running this summer and getting married and all the fun I want to have in my life.

Last night I had no problems falling asleep, but this morning I woke up at five and instantly my mind started racing. Then, I realized I had to go to the bathroom and then I was thirsty and then I was hungry. Once I went to the kitchen I knew there would be no hope for me going back to sleep soon because the kitchen was dirty and apparently I have a hard time sleeping when I know the kitchen is dirty (a result of the perfectionism, I think). So, I cleaned the kitchen, ate an early breakfast, and now I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life (like that's going to help me relax).

I got online and started talking to my mom and my friends, Emily and Spencer. The only reason they're up is because they live on the east coast and have real jobs. My mom (aka my life coach) and best friend, Emily, gave me some encouragement for my most recent social challenge. I feel better for the time being, but worry that I'm going to be socially awkward for life while hoping that that's how everyone is (this is the part where you all comment and assure me that you are socially awkward, too.)

I still don't know what I'm doing with my life. I've told everyone for the past several months that I'm starting grad school in the fall. When the University of Utah misplaced my letters of recommendation due to confusion with my name I started to think about starting in the winter. And one thing lead to another and I'm not even sure I should go to grad school anymore, even though that's what I really want to do.

So, that's what's on my mind right now. I have about a half hour before I was supposed to wake up. I think I'll try sleeping again.