Early Morning Runs

Today I woke up at 5:45 am to go running with Natalie, my running partner. It's not always easy prying my eyes open and leaving my warm bed (we haven't started using our heat yet). I just remind myself that 1. I will feel better when it's over 2. I'm getting a head-start on the day and, therefore, will be ahead of everyone else (since life is a competition, you know) and 3. This is the only way that I will ever have nice legs.

So, I leave my apartment reveling in my insanity, knowing that it takes a unique person to go running at 6 am on a cold November morning. I am unique...well except for Natalie... and all those other people we pass....

We love talking about negative splits and running hill repeats and running up stairs. I can't just talk to anyone about that. We also love talking about life, in particular our most recent breakups and how we are coping. We talk about graduating, being alone, and not knowing what we are going to do or where we are going to go.

We pass people because we keep a pretty good pace. Did I mention that Natalie was on the cross country team the last 3 years? I feel honored to be her running partner.

The reality of it is that I think I enjoy talking to Natalie more than I do running. We finish, tired, yet refreshed. And that's how I start my day.

The Problem of Pain

"My own happiness is something like this. I am progressing along the path of life in my ordinary contentedly fallen and godless condition absorbed in a merry meeting with my friends for the morrow or a bit of work that tickles my vanity today, a holiday or a new book, when suddenly a stab of abdominal pain that threatens serious disease, or a headline in the newspapers that threatens us all with destruction, sends this whole pack of cards tumbling down. At first I am overwhelmed, and all my little happinesses look like broken toys. Then, slowly and reluctantly, bit by bit, I try to bring myself into the frame of mind that I should be in at all times. I remind myself that all these toys were never intended to posses my heart, that my true good is in another world and my only real treasure is Christ. And perhaps, by God's grace, I succeed, and for a day or two become a creature consciously dependent on God and drawing its strength from the right sources. But the moment the treat is withdrawn, my whole nature leaps back to the toys: I am even anxious, God forgive me, to banish from my mind the only thing that supported me under the threat because it is now associated with the misery of those few days. Thus the terrible necessity of tribulation is only too clear. God has had me for but forty-eight hours and then only by dint of taking everything else away from me. Let Him but sheathe that sword for moment and I behave like a puppy when the heated bath is over-I shake myself as dry as I can and race off to reacquire my comfortable dirtiness, if not in the nearest manure heap, at least in the nearest flower bed. And that is why tribulations cannot cease until God either sees us remade or sees that our remaking is now hopeless."

C.S. Lewis
The Problem of Pain

My name is Kuh-Risssseee

I've just moved to a new ward. Any of you who are familiar with BYU know that it is somewhat custom to change wards at least once in a 12-month period. This is my third ward this year and seventh here at BYU.

I want to first say that I really enjoy people and making friends. However, to get to the point where I can be myself with someone and feel like there is some substance to the relationship requires time. I really struggle with introductory conversations, which usually go something like this...potential new friend (pnf):"Hi, what's your name?" me: "Hi, I'm Krissy" pnf: "Kristy?" (The latest misunderstanding of my name is "Kissy") me: "No, Krissy...no "t" pnf: "Ah. What's your major?" me: "Dietetics" pnf: "Diuh...what?" me: "diatetics...it's like nutrition" "Oh, cool. Where are you from?".....and then it goes on. I think I've had this conversation at least 2o times today and heard everyone else around me having it too.

I suppose I see some necessity in getting to know the basic information about people, but it is such a tedious process for me sometimes. I long to be able to get to the point in a relationship with someone so that I can share all of my insides and they can do the same with me. I LOVE that. I hate holding it all in. I don't feel real when I do that.

In conclusion, I'm wondering how to make these intro-converstations more meaningful. Do I just need to change my attitude? Do I need to ask better questions? Any ideas (to the two of you that read my blog)?

Graduate School

I was notified today of my acceptance to graduate school at the University of Utah. But I'm not sure I'll be going there after all. Other options include a dietetic internship starting in January followed by graduate school in the fall either at the U or BYU. I'm not really sure what I want to do yet, or rather what I ought to do. I should probably decide soon, though. It's a little overwhelming sometimes to think about the future, but I guess that's what makes life exciting. So, we'll see!

When I say 'no' I feel guilty

So, I checked this book out about a week ago to help me be more assertive. For years I've been getting feedback from supervisors, bosses, classmates, etc. about how I need to be more assertive, so I decided to start working on it a little bit. The book was called "When I Say 'No' I feel Guilty". I actually didn't read much of it, which is why I'm writing about what I'm about to write about. I think I still have a lot of work to do.
I completely overbooked myself this week. I felt like a chicken with my head cut off, and probably looked like one, too. Every hour of every day has been filled with some sort of activity, mostly social engagements. Tonight, for example, I planned 3 separate activities for the evening. How I thought I could manage that, I'm not really sure. When I say no I feel guilty, I guess. At first it was great to be so busy and to have fun with friends. As the week has gone on, though, I've been getting more and more exhausted and have recognized that it is possible to have too much fun.
My goal for the next bit is to say no. I'm starting with tomorrow. I don't work until 1pm and have committed myself to nothing. I think I will just sit and I'm not going to feel guilty about it.